What I've Done
by SinCalledSloth
Summary: An AkuRoku songfic by request. Song: What I've Done by Linkin Park. A little angst.


AkuRoku; What I've Done

xxx

_In this farewell. _  
I was walking away. One foot in front of the other never seemed so hard.  
Actually, one foot in front of the other never seemed so…  
Easy.  
I wasn't walking away, either. I was running away.  
But then ahead, there was something that almost stopped me in my tracks. Something that almost made my steps falter. But my anger overruled the small sting I felt at the sight of him.  
I marched straight past him, glaring ahead of me, not giving Axel so much as a glance.  
Some farewell this was.  
_In this farewell  
There's no blood  
There's no alibi _  
There were no tears in this "goodbye." There was no way I would cry for this, cry for him, cry for _them._ After all, they wouldn't cry for a puppet.  
And he had known. He had known all along. All that time, Axel had known I was just a puppet.  
And there was no such thing as being friends with a puppet.  
It was all _lies._  
There was no excuse for this. No alibi for his actions.  
Or their actions.  
I had fought already to leave this place. There was no way I was going to remain a part of this organization.  
Blood had not been shed yet. So far, my goodbye had only included one fight; Saix. But when I thought about it, maybe I wouldn't even mind a brawl with Axel now.

_**'Cause I've drawn regret  
From the truth  
Of a thousand lies. **_

It all just seemed so wrong. Best friends aren't supposed to fight. I shouldn't hate Axel, shouldn't have to walk away like this.  
But there were so many lies. Our friendship was probably one too.  
No.  
Our friendship was a lie.  
One lie out of the thousand they had told me.  
One lie out of the lies Axel told me.  
Out of the lies Xemnas told me.  
The lies Saix told me.  
Xigbar, Larxene, Zexion, Vexen, Marluxia, Demyx, Luxord, Xaldin, Lexaeus…  
_Liars!_  
And Axel stood there, looking so worried.  
_Fake!_  
I paused only to say one thing to Axel, as I walked away, so ready to leave them all behind.  
"No one would miss me."  
After all, who would miss a puppet?  
_So let mercy come  
And wash away  
What I've done _  
And then I walked away from it all.  
Just desperately trying to change what I've done. No matter how much anyone said I was a puppet, I was going to make my own decisions. I was going to cut off the strings, and the first step was leaving their grasp. I was going to take back everything I had done.  
_I'll face myself  
to cross out what I've become _  
Standing on the clock tower really wasn't much of a great escape. But I was thinking, what is I _was_ a puppet? Was that who I was?  
Could I face that truth?  
Either way, I was going to cross it out. And as the sun set over twilight town, I could almost pretend this was going to happen.  
_Erase myself  
and let go of what I've done_  
Erase the old me with this sunset, and let go of it all.  
Yeah, that was the idea.

xxx

What was Roxas thinking?  
They were going to tear him apart.  
And as I ran towards the clock tower, I wondered what he must be thinking of me. It must have been hate.  
But wait a moment.  
We couldn't feel hate. That was an emotion.  
As I ran, I knew I couldn't make it all ok. But for some reason, the thought of a goodbye like this was tearing me apart. I knew this would never end well, but I needed him to know. I needed Roxas to know, before it all came crashing down. I ran faster, arriving at the clock tower. I could barely make out Roxas' small form at the top.  
He was so predictable.  
_Put to rest  
What you thought of me  
While I clean this slate  
With the hands of uncertainty_  
Even though I knew somewhere inside me (somewhere that wasn't my heart) that nothing could be fixed, I had to try. I knew it was already shattered, but if I could gain even a few minutes of perfection back, this would be worth it. And I started to climb the tower, towards Roxas.  
_So let mercy come  
And wash away  
What I've done_  
I hoped to god this would work.

xxx

I tensed as I heard footsteps behind me. Had they found me already?  
I turned, summoning my keyblade; but then I froze.  
"Axel?"  
I don't know why I was so shocked to see him. I also didn't know why I wasn't automatically furious like I had been before. There was just something about the look on his face. He didn't quite meet my eye, and he almost looked…nervous. Which definitely wasn't a look I was used to seeing on Axel.  
"Hey"  
I dropped my tense stance, letting my keyblade disappear. For some reason, I just didn't feel the need to fight. I didn't feel like we were going to.  
But why?  
Axel gave a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head with one hand. Why did this suddenly feel awkward?  
"So…"  
I cut him off "Axel. Stop."  
Axel looked up at me, with another expression I had never seen before. He almost looked broken.  
"Ok. So you're making me feel guilty, how can you do that in the middle of all this chaos?"  
Axel sighed. "Ok, ok, I'm sorry Roxy…" the nickname slipped through his lips, even at a time like this, as a force of habit. Even at a time like this, Axel was Axel.  
I let my arms hang by my side, a small breeze making my cloak billow around my feet. Before I could say something more, Axel spoke.  
"This so isn't the time to tell you this. It's so not right. Everything's so not right. But you've just gotta know"  
Axel's words seemed to fall clumsily from his mouth, and I tilted my head confused.  
"What?"  
Axel took a deep breath, and finally looked into my eyes.  
"I love you, Roxas."  
_For what I've done  
I start again  
And whatever pain may come  
Today this ends  
I'm forgiving what I've done _  
It all fell away. The world fell away, and all that was left was Axel.  
He was backing away "oh god, ok never mind just-"  
I took a step forward. "Hey Axel?"  
He looked so nervous "Yeah?"  
"I love you too"  
We were both silent. He just stared at me, a shock written all over his features.  
"Really?"  
"But this has to be the worst possible time to tell me you could have picked"  
Axel gave an awkward laugh, then looked at me with this sad smile.  
"It's all wrong. It's all broken."  
I sighed and looked at the ground. "Yeah. Yeah it is."  
Axel walked closer to me, and then his arms were around me and my face was buried in his chest.  
"If only"  
I looked up at him, into his dazzling green eyes.  
I kissed his lips, softly.  
"If only"

_What I've done  
Forgiving what I've done_


End file.
